how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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