I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
