boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
