If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Who put my cat in the fridge?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
