Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
