dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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