first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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