It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
