Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
