I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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