Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
