Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
