i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
