My nipple is on Facebook.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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