her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
