When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its about making memories worth repressing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
