I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
