i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
