u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
