This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize