It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
