please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
