Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
