if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
