It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
