I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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