Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
