We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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