i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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