awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are we still banned from the library?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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