I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
