I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
