goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
