Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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