That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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