I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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