I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
