Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
