Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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