I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
