my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
