When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
