Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
