So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
