Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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