Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
