just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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