I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
