i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize