so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
