I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
