Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
