So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
