I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
