My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Alive.
So much puke
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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