Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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