Nicole vs. Life
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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