Betty ford says i'm here all night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
