for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
