Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
