Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
