My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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