is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
