You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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