Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
