I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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