Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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