If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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