On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Did I show you my penis last night?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize