I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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