...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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