A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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