why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
