my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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