we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
