I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
