I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
