Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
